Join us in holding hands as we begin this song of love, estrangement, derangement, and arrangement.
There are many things that I must air.
1. Every time I, Monteith Slythersuth, open a new page, pop ups from ads related to searched items appear. This lack of privacy forces me to direct my anger towards unnamed spies who lurk the internet, stealing every last iota of privacy to which my right as a citizen of the United States of America emboldens upon myself.
2. Whilst those of us with air to breath appreciate aforementioned air, to some degree, neither I, nor children of direct lineage to the house of David recall the story of Septimus, Daughter of Earl the Third, firstborn son to Stephani the Deranged IV. This forces me to begin the story of lives which I fondly recall from the stories of my own great grandmother, Dutchess Habeforth VII of Spatenberry, Antwerp.
3. Septimus, Daughter of Earl III was known for her great intuition and superhuman instincts. The nature of her talents were noticed when as a child of three, she saved the life of the family poodle. The small white poodle ran through the great green grasses of the Palace Iosenthins, when a snake slithered towards it. Like a flash of lightening, young Septimus ran forth from her golden chair, and squeezed the snake’s neck in her adorable palm. The snake died a rather wretched death in the small hands of the toddler. The poodle, Alex Albatross XI, was decidedly thankful to his young savior. He showed his appreciation by following young Septimus around the palace and bringing her small victuals, such as dead birds. Septimus, Daughter of Earl lll, never did appreciate the victuals, yet she was thankful for the company of the young pooch and she showed her kindness by petting his head every ten minutes or so.
Septimus grew older, and as dogs tend to do, so did the poodle, Alex Albatross XI. Alex, (as we shall call him from now on as a means to conserve time) developed cataracts in his eyes. He developed a limp, and he grew rather thin. Septimus Daughter of Earl III was at a loss. She loved her dog, yet she knew that she would be forced to put him to sleep if he stopped eating. You see, if dogs do not eat, their dog spirit must leave the body, rendering the body lifeless. This unpleasant thought is surely uncouth, yet fact is fact, and it must be accepted as such.
To be continued at another date, or when the author is in the mood for continuing this story.
Handholding may now cease.