Tools For Dealing With Depression: Brought on by Anything Whatsoever

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There are many reasons people get sad, but depression is different than sadness.  Depression drags you down. It is a mixture of neurons in your head which cause you to feel like you can’t leave your house, like you can’t do anything right.  You become tired and lethargic and can’t get yourself to complete the most basic task.  You feel utterly alone, like the world is caving in on you. Sometimes, its hard to breath.  Depression stinks and the only way to get rid of it is to kick its a@$#.

Here are some ideas to get rid of depression naturally without medication, which always have side effects such as sudden death, suicide, loss of hearing, urinary incontinence, impotence, and migraine:

1. Get a lot of sunshine.  Open all your windows. Go outside when its sunny even though it might take all of your strength.

2. Do exercise.  Really hard exercise that nearly kills you is best because it provides natural endorphins. You’ll feel good after.  You can do easy exercise too, I guess.

3. Bug your friends.  Hang out with them and laugh.  Make fun of your shoes, or whatever it is you do with your friends.  Laughing at shoes is the number one activity, though.

4.  Eat healthy.  Ok, whatever, you should, I guess.

5. Smile at people.  Even snobby people who never will smile back.  Look specifically for people who you know will not say hi, but will look at you, shocked.  Its an amusing experience which every human should have no later than the age of seven.

6. Read a really sad book where everyone is dying.  It’ll make you feel better about your life.  Your father isn’t an alien created by the Vulgarians to destroy all of humanity. Take that Urelca Spidronte.

7. Exhibit signs of neurosis.  As you walk alone, pretend that you are walking your three dogs as you chat with your best friend, Kyle.  Studies have proven that this is an effective means of producing pheromones.

8. Buy a cat?  I wouldn’t. They mess up your furniture and you have to clean their litter.  And they don’t look at you.  Buy a goldfish… never mind.  Buy a picture of a cat or a dog.

 

 

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About Miranda S. Wrightz

I breath one breath at a time, like a normal mermaid.

7 responses to “Tools For Dealing With Depression: Brought on by Anything Whatsoever

  1. What I find most soothing whilst in midst of said despair is to gaze upon a black widow. They sit well with me. I feel a great connect. Marry me?

  2. My blackened shallots
    reduced by great tears
    arrive to find
    realtered flairs.

  3. More than a bit unhappy

    Where do you get off. I only peruse this blogs written word to find joyous verbal imagery about various foods. I know mentioned you eating at some point but hardly. It does not do justice to your previously assumed responsibility as the author of this blog to only mention edibles in passing. I begin to tire of your antics. I beg of you in your next post please return to us the joys of delectable delights. Speak your mind in the ways of aromatic fumes exuding from a wondrous delicacy. thank you.
    P.S. I do agree it is very important to speak of freedom from depression.
    Another P.S. Do not troll your own blog with unfoodly posts

    • More than a bit, I am sorry to be the source of your irrepressible wrath and fury. I was trying to become a self-help guru. A bit of experimentation if you will. Obviously, this did not take off and I will not be guruing for quite some time in the near and distant future. You may look forward to further aromatic fumes and delicacy. Please accept my sincere apologies for my trollation of my own blog.

      • More happy than a bit

        I thank you profusely. You have lifted a heavy burden from my heart, It brings joy to know of your future of succulent postings. However I now seem to be a bit worried about you. I hope i have not destroyed your dreams of becoming a self help guru. I would recommend perhaps starting a new one with that as the prime function. Good Luck. Thank you.
        P.S. I know a good psychologist if you have the need.

  4. Do you know a good psychologist who is looking for a self-help guru?

  5. A friendly suggestion

    I’m not one hundred percent sure about this but it is possible that Thaymond Dankxwieller P.H.D. is in the market. I have heard rumors but they are possibly unfounded. Although he is renowned as a leading doctor of Psychology it has been said in some circles that he is unhappy in his field. So it may be possible that he is vulnerable to a guru’s influence.

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