Considering my vast experience in the food world, (I’ve been eating since the day I was born), random strangers often request advice on how to attain a slender and extraordinarily strong physique. This is a historical fact.
Out of pure generosity of spirit, I share with you, dear reader, the secrets of the universe:
1. Eat chocolate every day. Be flexible with your chocolate. Chocolate chips for when you’re feeling conservative, chocolate croissant for when you’re feeling French, chocolate babka for when you feel slightly Russian, chocolate cocoa for when you’re frost-bound, chocolate milk when you feel tropical.
2. Eat chocolate cookies at least every other day. This will help you take your mind off of them.
3. If there is a day in which you forgot your chocolate, you can have either baking chocolate or chocolate pills. Seriously, those were created for heart health (Reuters, March, 2014).
4. Lift heavy weights. Small to medium sized children will do. When lifting for mass, lift child for 3 sets of 8-12 reps with ten second breaks. Overhead lifts, deadlifts, curls, chest presses, children will do it all. They do tend to cooperate better when given chocolate as they are lifted.
Chocolate is not only a tasty treat, it is a lifestyle and one of our basic rights as humans.
Do you have a chocolate story? Has chocolate ever saved your life?