Some people consider rice a food. Technically, rice is a food. It is easily absorbed within the human digestive system. It’s taste is palatable to some members of the human species. However, according to unscientific observation, I have come to the understanding that rice is a food much like quinoa is a food. Who eats quinoa? Don’t be ashamed, raise your hand if you do. Raise it! Eaters of quinoa eat food because they are either on diets, or because they are on diets. If they do eat for taste, it is because they have customized the palate to bear the bitterness which quinoa brings.
Withstanding personal preferences and opinions, I hereby withdraw my particular sentiments. This blog is dedicated to rice and the humans who adore it. Despite obvious bias, I will admit that rice is a lovely grain. All who eat it understand that it grows best in extended periods of warm weather. Rice thrives in heavy, moisturized soil. The soil is moisturized through water, not lotion, which, perhaps, is the reason it has gathered a bevy of admirers.
Yes, rice can be conjured into a dish which is somewhat agreeable. Below you will find a modest list of uncomplicated ideas to encourage the consumption of rice:
1. Fry onions first and add them to the (cooked) rice
2. Fry onions and peppers and add them to the (cooked) rice
3. Fry onions, peppers, and mushrooms and add them to the (cooked) rice
4. Fry onions, peppers, and mushrooms and add them to the (cooked) rice, sprinkle with salt
5. Fry onions, peppers, and mushrooms and add them to the (cooked) rice, sprinkle with salt and pepper
6. Fry onions, peppers, and mushrooms and add them to the (cooked) rice, sprinkle with salt, pepper, and garlic
7. Fry onions, peppers, and mushrooms and add them to the (cooked) rice, sprinkle with salt, pepper, garlic, and cumin
8. I trust that your imagination can take your rice recipe to places no other rice recipe has gone before. Be brave rice lovers! Be bold with your rice!
Au revoir rice enthusiasts of the universe,
May we meet again, under happier circumstances.
-Monteith.
cupcakesruletheatmosphere 
Monteith,
That rice looks dirty. Why? Why must you shame it so? Is it not a grain too? Like you, Patrilla Drew? Does it not have a heart? Which you’re tearing apart. Does it not feel? Oh, it does, for real. So please, kind being, replace you’re illustration with one befitting the rice queen, Serendipity P Thymes a callin
If you would like an illustration that is not on the page
Please be a sweety, please be a sage
Find another photo, a pic full of pixels
And send it to me. I’ll give you a nickel.
I’ll give you one nickel, maybe even two
The number of nickels depends upon you.
If you feel that you must defend rice’s glory
Send me an image and I’ll tell you a story.
A story of knights who stormed a large castle
A story of a girl who wore a gold tassle
A story of a king who was drunk off his rocker
A story of a boy who loved to play soccer.
A story of a woman, so old and bruised
A story of another, who just hated her shoes.
A story of a man who never saw the light,
A story of another, so scared at night.
These stories I will tell you
If you send me a design
of rice looking pretty
much unlike mine.
I’m too tired.
Too tired for a story? Said nobody, ever.
Dear mother of some
Perhaps more then one
Check your mail
I did, that was fun.
Interesting article. I was wondering what your interpretation of Sarkovians Theorum might be as this is an important factor in the growth of rice in the Yucatan.
Indeed, the Yucatan were the first tribe to discover that the soil in Spartiniac Sranla contained perfect conditions for the moisture of the rice plant. Sarkovian’s Theorum alludes to the initiation of the inconsistencies found within the soil of the Eastern spheres.
The real question is how do you cook rice?
That question is complicated and requires previous knowledge. However, determined individuals can be secure in these facts:
1. Fill a pot with water. If you want to boil one cup of dry rice, use two cups of water. If you want two cups of rice, use three cups of water, etc. This is where basic kindergarten/first grade addition comes in handy.
2. Turn the gas range up to high
3. Keep your eye on that pot. Preferably both eyes. If you wear a patch on one eye, you might run into problems. Rest assured that Captain Hook never made a bowl of rice in his lifetime.
4. When the water boils, dump your cup or two of rice in the water.
5. Just let it hang out a bit, and then lower the flame to low.
6. When the rice is soft and you can imagine eating it, do that. Or mix some spice in first, or do fancy things. (Twirling like a ballerina works, for instance.)
Now. Is your mind blown?
There is one and only one answer.
My mind is blown!!!
Captain Hook has never made a bowl of rice!
But how about Captain Crunch?
Unfortunately the captain was never able to conjure a delicious bowl of rice. He was too busy with cereal. Also it isn’t really possible in the first place. He did attempt once or twice. He failed miserably. That’s actually the reason he could never find a crew and was all alone with breakfast foods his whole life.
That is absolutely false. He was a wonderful cook. The reason he couldn’t find a crew was because he would never stop singing about his wretched cereal. Sugar with no nutritional value is not breakfast.
I don’t understand either of you. He could cook. His singing was beautiful. His cereal was surely not wretched. It was and always will be delicious. The reason he could never hold a crew together was because whenever he would smoke his pipe the smoke would come out of his left nostril instead of the right. That is unnatural and definitely why his crew abandoned him.
Hm, this is obviously a strong point of contention. I, personally, am of the opinion that Captain Hook HAD a crew. It was his mean left hook that scared them all away.
Though I can’t be fully sure I am pretty sure they are speaking of the captain named Crunch not Hook.